Let me tell ya, you're not alone in the least. Everyday this is my biggest struggle... I seek other's approval far above the approval of Christ. I want people to accept me, to affirm me in everything that I do. But realistically-thats not logical. God may have a calling for me that isn't what my family, or friends may want for me.
**Just A little bit about me**: I am a huge people pleaser. I spend days agonizing when I can't make everyone happy. When I realize that I can't make everyone happy I feel like a failure. A terrible sister, a terrible daughter, a terrible friend... etc.
But the more that I value each person's input in my life, the more deflated I become. I continuously am drained from the feelings of inadequacy. Feeling trapped in my inability to respond perfectly to every situation given to me. The more trapped that I feel, the deeper my insecurities become. And before I realize it, I'm wandering around feeling like a different person- consumed with insecurities, doubts, and depression. And I sit there wondering how I have gotten to this point YET again!? HOW do I always end up crucifying myself and feeling worthless?
... Maybe my insecurities are from a lack of faith, from a lack of trust and hope in a God greater than my deepest darkness. Maybe my worthlessness is from searching for a fire fly to brighten my darkness rather than the sun.
In doing this I limit God. I limit his power, I confine him to a box, accusing him of smallness. Sometimes I'm tempted to say how cruel God is for sitting and watching as I struggle- but then again, I'm forgetting that my reasons for struggling are because of me. They're because I want others to fill me. And when they don't I want to fix it... Where's my trust? Where's my hope? Where's my faith that my God's grace will cover all of my imperfections?
Maybe somehow I have managed to elevate myself in my life-forgetting the power of the cross. Forgetting that Christ died so that I could live in freedom of perfection- That God's Grace isn't limited.
If you struggle like me in finding your worth... Awesome! We're in this together. We're broken together struggling towards righteousness. Join in me in praying that God will always reveal to us the true condition of our sinful hearts. That we would be humbled, and able to acknowledge where we fail and need a savior.
... Maybe my insecurities are from a lack of faith, from a lack of trust and hope in a God greater than my deepest darkness. Maybe my worthlessness is from searching for a fire fly to brighten my darkness rather than the sun.
In doing this I limit God. I limit his power, I confine him to a box, accusing him of smallness. Sometimes I'm tempted to say how cruel God is for sitting and watching as I struggle- but then again, I'm forgetting that my reasons for struggling are because of me. They're because I want others to fill me. And when they don't I want to fix it... Where's my trust? Where's my hope? Where's my faith that my God's grace will cover all of my imperfections?
Maybe somehow I have managed to elevate myself in my life-forgetting the power of the cross. Forgetting that Christ died so that I could live in freedom of perfection- That God's Grace isn't limited.
If you struggle like me in finding your worth... Awesome! We're in this together. We're broken together struggling towards righteousness. Join in me in praying that God will always reveal to us the true condition of our sinful hearts. That we would be humbled, and able to acknowledge where we fail and need a savior.
"Father, always, always, allow me to make you the highest priority in my life. Always help me to look to the cross to find my worth... My meaning & my confidence. You saved me... YOU. SAVED. ME. You saw my ugliness and loved me amidst it. You saw my failures and used them... You rebuild me when i'm shattered into a million pieces. Even when I don't want to seek you. You ALWAYS pursue me. Allow my joy to exude from your never ending grace. Amen"
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