Again, it's been a while since my last post. College life is anything but boring. I rarely have time to myself. When I do, I never know whether to cherish it or to take it as a bad thing. God's #1 goal for my life this school year seems to have been to break me in every shape or form. Last semester he showed me that I was placing my hope, and finding my worth in everyone and everything else except for him. This semester he has been quick to point out some things that I have never struggled with in the past. In high school I was obnoxiously loud and outgoing. I knew who I was, who I wanted to become, and was comfortable in my own skin. I no longer know who I am, and am no where near the loud and obnoxious person I used to be in high school anymore. My whole personality has changed. Now I have been handed insecurities I never have struggled with. I am constantly worried about what people will think about me, my grades, keeping my friends, figuring out what to do with my life, and missing my family. Growing up I was never a jealous person, nor did I ever consider myself overly jealous. But since coming back to school this semester God has shown me I have been incredibly selfish. Constantly I worry about my feelings, my day, my insecurities, but never once pay heed to anyone else's. Out of my selfishness has stemmed my new found, in huge portions, Jealousy. Everyone struggles with jealousy at some point in their lives, but It has never been something that has been a huge struggle of mine...
until now.
I have come to the conclusion that God wants to break me. He wants to tear me apart and rebuild me with pieces of himself. He started the process in October, and he isn't finished with me yet. There are so many places in my spiritual life that could be worked on, where I think Jesus wants me to grow. I always have room to grow, and he wants me to constantly be aware of my need for growth in him. I am by no means a stranger to pain or hardship... I guess you could say I'm kinda a pro at hardship ;)
