ALS - as usual

I spent the majority of the evening perusing old journals that belong to my dad. There were many moments he wrote of that I had forgotten, some that I never knew about but all were from his point of view. My father hasn't been capable of speaking to me since Sophomore year of high school. These journals have now blessed me with a way to hear my father's voice ever so silently, for the first time in almost 4 years. ALS continues to consume his body and rob him of his life. Still, we somehow continue to praise the Lord and enjoy each moment as it comes. Every smile brought to his face is worth the many, eye wipings, changing of his gowns, & tucking his feet in... My heart is broken daily, but some how as I sleep each night it is renewed. 

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. - 1 Peter 5:10

When the very thought that dad can't control any part of himself but his mind begins to sink in, I grasp onto Jesus. I grasp onto him as if I am drowning and am struggling to find my next breath. I know it hurts my dad, and it hurts us almost as much, watching him deteriorate... But I have hope. My hope is found in Jesus Christ. Though I have no clue why my daddy is sick, I know that God has a plan. He knows my heart, he knows my dad's heart, he knows them more intimately than even we do.

You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
 You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar. -Psalm 139:1&2 

I can hardly wrap my mind around that! This small trial in the time frame of life is leading up to something remarkable... For God is for us and not against, he is using ALS for his glory! That may be hard to imagine, but everything works together for the good of God. ALS has changed my life. Sometimes for the better and others for the worse. I don't wander around hopeless and terrified of the future, but instead I have learned to praise Christ for these present sufferings! I cherish and value life so much more, I know my family more intimately than I ever thought I would, and most importantly I cling to Lord of the universe because of it. I may have lost a lot due to ALS, but I believe I have gained so much more.

As far as I am concerned, we've beat ALS.  We may not have found a cure, or effective treatments... But through Christ everything has been conquered. Through Christ we have the ability to live life outside of ourselves, allowing us freedom. For Christ died to save us from ourselves, so that we may have life. We fully deserve the consequences of our evilness, and yet Jesus loved us so remarkably much that he couldn't bear to see our pain. He paid the price so that we may have joy and life once again.

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world. -John 16:33

How ironic it seems that through a terrible, ravaging, terminal disease that we have found life, strength, & Grace.